My Dirty Little Secret
I have a secret.
Something that I try to hide, sometimes unsuccessfully…
But I’m tired of keeping this to myself. I’m tired of carrying this secret. I want freedom, both from the secret and the issue itself.
I care far too much about what other people think about me.
There, I said it.
I want to appear confident, competent, and current. I want to appear attractive, intelligent, and put-together. I want to be liked. I want to make people happy. I don’t like it when people are angry with me, and I hate it when I find out I’ve hurt someone else’s feelings.
And yes, of course, some of this isn’t all that bad… I mean, I should care what people think, and I should be concerned how I make others feel. But what about when I allow the thoughts and feelings of others to impact my own self-image? Or when I allow their thoughts or feelings to dictate a decision I make instead of what I believe to be right?
At 33 years old, sometimes I still feel as insecure as I did as a pimple-faced teenager. I may preach a sermon with the boldness of a lion, but the second I come off the platform I question everything I just said.
“Was I too honest?”
“Did I offend anyone with what I said about __________?”
“I mentioned tithing. I hope they don’t think all I care about is money.”
But… The Lord is working on me. And I am working on me.
Here’s my new motto
And, if you struggle the way I do, maybe you should think about adopting it also.
I have nothing to prove.
I have no one to impress.
I am a child of God.
This doesn’t mean I don’t care about the opinions and feelings of others, it just means that I will not be ruled by them.
I’m speaking by faith of course, I’m not there yet… But we’re working on me.